Settling In

We have been in our new home for four days. When I walked into the house for the first time, I sat down on the green couch and almost cried. I know this will probably sound superficial, but I missed my stuff. I missed my couch. I missed my plates. I missed the dinged-up old dresser. I missed our older-than-dirt TV. Why? Because they are ours, because they mean we are home.

Almost all of the boxes are unpacked. Some of the pictures have been hung. Most importantly, the books have been organized. We are home, indeed.

In the Country

Living in the country has been a fantasy of mine. Ever since I read Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, I wanted to live in a farmhouse on a country road with a coop of chickens and an extensive vegetable garden. I also like the idea of solitude and the romanticism of living off the land. When Adam and I have talked about buying a house, we have often talked about a house in the country.

Then we moved back to New York and have lived in the (semi) country, and I have quickly realized that I'm more of a city girl than I thought. Of course, here there are no chickens or livestock to tend to, no gardening to do, no tractors to ride, no good country things to keep us busy. Instead we have a thirty minute ride to get just about anywhere, which makes simple tasks like running to the grocery store a huge annoyance. I miss being able to walk everywhere or to run down the street for a bottle of wine in less than ten minutes. At least the scenery on these long rides is pretty.

So it seems fitting that we'll be urban-dwellers once again, though I can't totally rule out the possibility of a farmhouse in the future. Maybe in a few years. I do want my own chickens, after all.

Waterside

I read last summer that time spent beside large bodies of water is good for your mental health. Perhaps this is why I've found myself waterside several times this week. Not only are we in the in-between of this move -- waiting to move into our own place and for Adam to get put on his new schedule of four nights on, four nights off -- but this week my grandmother died. I'm not really sure how to process it all. I am aching for relief from this limbo, this in-between-ness, but I don't think I'll find it for awhile. None of this is what I expected.

I've spent a lot of time in prayer and staring off into space. That's where the water comes in handy, though of course Lily doesn't let me drift off for long. I want a routine, something we can rely on, but more changes are coming and all I can do is wait as patiently as I can. 

So we head out the door to explore our (new) hometown. We walk along the lake, the river, the canal. We feed the ducks and play on playgrounds and make the best of it. Because, really, it's not that bad. This is the life we wanted.

One Month

The word everyone says when they ask about us these days is "settled." Are we settled yet? No, not even close, but it's coming a little at a time. Adam started his new job yesterday, which is both exciting and nerve wracking since he takes off with the only vehicle we own, leaving Lily and me to figure out how to keep ourselves busy at his parents' house. The next very important step to getting settled is getting another car. We're working on it.

A month from now we'll be moving into our own place, a place which we can make into a home. This seems critical to the idea of being settled and normal again. I was surprised that when we were at the lake this weekend all I wanted to do was come back to the homestead (what I've been calling my in-laws' house) and sleep in my own bed, the only thing I have that feels like home. Not even the lake in all of its glory could remedy my need home. One month to go, then we can talk about getting settled.

All Good Things

The days are all tangled together. Some days are harder than others. Some days are harder on Lily than on Adam or me. Thankfully for her, there is lots of sleep in her own crib with her own blankets and her babies.

We all sleep in the same room. Adam and I are on our mattress on the floor; Lily's crib is two feet away. She wakes in the middle of the night and we take turns patting her back to sleep. I've learned that I need to get to bed early so I can handle her waking in the middle of the night or very, very early in the morning. This morning she woke at 7:30. I was thankful.

Nothing is like what we thought it would be. I've thought (more often than I would have guessed) that we left a good thing. We loved our house and neighborhood. Lily's school was right down the street. Winn Dixie was two blocks over. Yesterday I asked Adam which house he loved the best, of all the houses he's lived in. He answered this one, the one we're staying in now, where he has so many fond memories of tinkering around in the back woods. He asked me the same question, and I said the house I loved best was the one we just left. It wasn't perfect, but it was where I was happiest.

I worried that we wouldn't find that again. Finding a house to rent was becoming problematic and for two days we toyed with the idea of home ownership. But this morning, after deciding renting for one more year really is the best decision for us, we got the call from the only rental house we've looked at so far, offering us a lease. It's a duplex in a nice part of the city, a walkable neighborhood with a playground right down the street. It may not be what we had in Mobile, but it seems just the right fit for right now.

We Made It

To say that this move has been stressful and overwhelming is an understatement. What I didn't anticipate is how love would carry me through the exhaustion and impatience. I didn't know that I would wake with at 5:30 a.m. to be cuddled and kissed by my two year-old. I didn't know that she would insist that we hold hands walking through the house and through the yard. I didn't know that we would pick dandelions and make necklaces out of them. I didn't know that she would suddenly learn fifty new words that make understanding her so much easier.

Of course there is a flip side to that coin, but it's just too hard to face. If I don't focus on the good things, the lovely things, then I'll never make it. And there are so many good things: girls' nights drinking margaritas, baseball games, long chats with loved ones, cool weather, long drives, soft grass. Normal may be a long way off, but we'll find it again, I'm sure. Our journey is just beginning.

Seven More Days

This morning I woke up with knots in my stomach -- good knots, excited knots. This is the last Friday I will live in Alabama. I've been waiting for the rush of adrenaline that will carry me through to the end, and it's here, able to be summoned at whim. I suspected it would come at the end of the semester, and it has. Classes ended yesterday. My students sent me off with smiles and well wishes. They don't know how exhausted I've been or how burned out I feel or how ready I am to just go.

It was three months ago that we caught wind of the job that started this whole thing. Three months is a long time when you're waiting. Then, earlier this week, Adam received the offer we've waited all this time for. It was like I could finally exhale. I slept well that night.

I didn't know when I met Adam that we would be so adventurous. We didn't know all the leaps of faith that we'd take; all we knew was that we wanted to take them together. Yesterday, as we were talking about how stressful everything has been, he told me that he wouldn't want to move home with anyone else. We're in this for the long haul, and the adventure is far from over.

We still have seven more days here. So we'll wait a little longer -- just a little bit.

Executive Decisions

So, you know, we're moving in two weeks. Two weeks from today. And, oh my goodness, that is soon. So, we have been forced to make some executive decisions.

Adam was offered to be deployed to northern Alabama to help search for missing people. He said no, which is proving to be good because it looks like all the folks who headed that way will be gone for over a week.

We decided that we would forgo having a yard sale. I'm too tired to get everything ready and haggle with strangers on my front lawn, so a lot of our stuff is headed to Goodwill.

We are also not going to do any more formal grocery shopping. You have no idea what a relief this is. I want to throw away as little food as possible, but I know we'll end up toting some of it north. I just want to limit how much we actually take and don't want to restock our entire supply. (Any tips on how to do this most effective are warmly welcomed.)

This morning we went to the Exploreum, which was a lot of fun. We ended up seeing "giant insects" and a live animal show that gave us the opportunity to show Lily what a horse looks like. A lot different from the pages of her Sandra Boynton books, for sure.

Side note: I wrote a little essay for the Curator about our impending move. You can read it here.

Bye bye, Truck. Hello, Dryer

We sold our truck. Yesterday we took our last ride in it as a family. It's the truck Adam took me out on our first date in, the truck we shared for almost a year when we were first married. And because we're moving and because we hope to someday become a family of four and because our car is in better shape than the truck, we sold it and now it's gone.

So we're temporarily a one-car family. Hopefully it won't be for long.

On a very good note, our dryer is working again. Turns out that we had the right parts all along, but didn't realize it (this is what happens when you try to save money and install things yourselves). A quick search on youtube and an hour turning screws and the dryer is a-tumblin' again. I'll admit I got a little giddy about it. I ran around the house gathering all of my pants that needed to be shrunk back to size and all of the towels, which were rough from line drying. I happily spent the afternoon doing laundry.

Exhaustion

At the end of every day Adam and I are exhausted. Even on days when we do very little, the evening rolls around and we're in bed earlier than we'd like to admit. We sleep all night and still feel exhausted. Today we decided it will probably be weeks before we feel rested again. There's just so much to do.

This morning I met a Flickr friend for coffee. It was good to talk, to put a face with a name. While I was gone Adam and a friend were trying to install a new drum in our dryer, the one that broke just before Mardi Gras causing us to give up using the dryer for Lent instead of giving up nothing. Unfortunately, the parts don't fit and we'll be without a dryer for the duration of our stay at this house. And Lily spent her day under the weather with a low-grade fever, which didn't help the dryer not fitting right fiasco.

But what can we do? We're just riding this train from here on out: a yard sale Saturday, Lily's birthday Sunday, the end of the semester next week, Adam's birthday, then we're on our way north. It's sort of incredible that we're doing this and sort of not incredible that we're so tired. So I won't feel bad about lounging around watching TV and going to bed early. Eventually this will all even itself out.

All Things Easter and Otherwise

This week we did so many things.

We hunted eggs and celebrated a little friend's second birthday. We thought we sold our truck, learned the buyer's loan was denied, and immediately got a call from another buyer who had cash. We packed and ruthlessly reduced our wardrobes. I got a new freelance job, had a panic attack, and realized it will all work out in the end.

Adam and I went out for the first time in two months. We had dinner with friends, one of whom gave me four rolls of film. That on top of the seven rolls I had ordered that were delivered a few days before, and I would say that I am set on film for quite some time. The butter was even bumped from its compartment in the fridge because of all that film!

Today I saw the local photo shop is taking old photo equipment for cash. We have a few old cameras kicking around here (including the one that malfunctioned near Lily's birth) and I'm hoping I might get enough cash to buy a few more rolls of film. However, if it's enough to buy one of these, I'd take that over film any day.

Happy Easter! He is risen, indeed!

Friday Happiness (Again)

It's been a surprisingly relaxing week around here. There's been a lot of porch swinging, beer sipping, and long walking around the neighborhood. This morning I sat in a coffee shop and finished reading Flannery O'Connor's Wise Blood (not exactly a feel-good book, but it did the trick) and eavesdropped on the barrista talking to the air conditioning repair guy. One was from North Carolina, the other from Maryland, and they were comparing notes about Mobile. It was amusing to me to listen to their likes and dislikes, while I sat nearby with the secret that I, too, am not from Mobile but I'm about to get the heck outta here.

Everyone I tell that we're leaving looks at me incredulously and says some variation of, "I can't believe you're moving somewhere with such cold weather." I shrug my shoulders and say something like, "I can't stand being sweaty," or, "I really miss wearing scarves." And they still don't get it. That's okay. I was born and raised in the cold and, doggone it, I do miss wearing scarves.

I keep trying to think of the things I'll miss about Alabama, things I should savor before they're gone. I'll miss the live oaks and the beach. I'll miss seeing blue skies almost every single day. I'll miss my favorite radio station and this tiny house we've made a home.

The other day, Adam and I sat on the porch swing and I told him that I wonder what I'll miss that I don't expect to miss. What am I taking for granted that I won't have when we move? I don't know. There will be things, I'm sure, and I will be sad about what we're losing when we move. But that comes with the territory, right?

What I do know is that it's Friday. The sun is shining and the beer is cold and I get to spend the weekend with the ones I love. For now, that's all I need to know.

Away We Go

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." -Thoreau 

 So, it's officially officially official. We're moving a month from today!

We'll be back in our home state of New York, staying with family for a while near Rochester until we figure out job stuff and find a place to settle down. A lot is still up in the air, but it's time for us to go.

If you're in Mobile, hopefully we can find time to connect before we move. If you're in Rochester or nearby, get ready 'cause here we come!

In Hot Water

The water heater was fixed this morning and a long, hot shower was in order. It was heavenly. That is, until I realized I was standing in ankle-deep water because of the slow drain.Today was more muddling along. We unpacked a lot of clothes just to throw them in boxes to be donated. Adam mopped the floors. I organized the bedroom. We're making progress, indeed.

Settling In

This is it. We officially live in a new home, though I use the word live loosely considering the house still looks like a bomb exploded inside it. Where did all this stuff come from?

We're chipping away at it a little at a time. Piles are being sorted into things we plan to keep and those we're going to sell. Decorations are being hung. We're making decent progress.

But, as is apt to happen in a house that's been unoccupied for four months, there have been a few surprises. First, the vent on top of the water heater has a hole in it and the gas man wouldn't turn it on because of the carbon monoxide hazard. It's supposed to be fixed tomorrow. Until then, no hot water. Then, last night we went to use the oven and, lo and behold, it didn't turn on. Gas came out of it, but the oven stayed cool. This, too, should be resolved tomorrow.

The good news is that we've met quite a few of the neighbors and they are terribly nice. They want to trade phone numbers and recipes and wave hello and know our names. I'm literally in neighbor heaven. And there's a young couple who live next door. Adam has already made plans to watch football with them.

Also, when the cable guy came to hook us up, he had no filters to limit us to basic cable, so we now get 77 channels but only pay for 20. Is this better than a hot shower? No, but it's close.

Don't Stop Believin'

So, I am very much ready to move. We've been in a holding pattern for weeks -- really since the last move fell through in mid-July -- and I'm ready to get on with the program. But we're still here and we're still waiting. Earlier this week, Adam went to the new house to see if the water had been turned on and found that the air conditioning wasn't working. So we're waiting to get the green light that the air is on and we can get some cleaning done. We're hoping to be moved by Tuesday. Fingers crossed.

I cannot wait. I've just about had it with the house where we live now. The floor plan makes no sense and we don't have any closets to stash our stuff. These weren't really problems until we added a third person into the mix. Now it's a nuisance to try to take a shower because I have to go through Lily's room to get to the bathroom. Also, the door to her room leads to the kitchen, making me reluctant to make any noisy culinary creations. (Why would you put the door to a bedroom off the kitchen? Why?)

In a lot of ways, I've been feeling like my life has been in a holding pattern and I'm hoping this move will break me out of it.

Workday

Something amazing happened yesterday. Something that hasn't happened in a long time. I woke up to an empty house! I was totally alone. Adam had taken Lily out on an errand, and I rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, and realized that it was the first time in months I had been alone in the house. How I have missed being alone in the house!

I expect that it won't happen again any time soon, but I look forward to when it does.

We spent the rest of the day working. I prepared for next week's classes and Adam mowed the lawn at the new house. We bought a table and dresser from our neighbor who was having a yard sale, then took everything that was already packed from our previous move to the new place. It was quite a bit. When we returned, our cat emerged from behind the couch, looked around, and was noticeably confused. A bookcase and a dresser are both missing from the living room, and it was obvious that she didn't get it. Poor thing.

While we were moving things in, we met the neighbors across the street who had nothing but praises for the neighborhood. We were both pleased. In light of everything that's happened with our current neighbors, it was refreshing to hear that the new neighbors are quite neighborly.

(On a side note, the neighbors who sent us the letters and who prompted me to call the police are going to be evicted by their landlord because of all this. Apparently, the one neighbor receives a disability check from the government because she's got "a mental problem, but she doesn't". That's what the landlord told us. But I'm pretty sure she does. Have a mental problem, that is.)

In the meantime, I think Lily is starting to teethe. She's been gnawing on my fingers nonstop. She's also reduced her nap times by half in the last week, which makes me yearn for days when I had nothing to do but care for her. As much as I'm glad to be able to teach, it kills me to have my attention divided the way it is. It's actually much more difficult than I anticipated.

Here We Go Again

It's official. We got our keys today. We are really (really!) moving. Today, after getting our keys, we packed the little girl (Lily) and the other little girl (Penny) and trekked to our new digs. The house is about two miles down the road, close enough that I've run down the street that runs beside it, but the neighborhood is infinitely better than where we currently reside. No bums knocking on doors, no one wandering around the neighborhood, and from what I hear from a friend, the neighbors are actually friendly.

Let me back up a minute, here, to Sunday when I had to call the cops on our next door neighbors. Sunday was lovely and the weather was perfect. Early in the afternoon, I set up a blanket in the back yard, and Lily and I laid on it while I read a magazine and Penny ran around. It was so nice that I decided I'd take Lily to the park and go for a jog. When I went out to the car to load the jogging stroller, I found a letter that had been thrown on our porch and the lattice that had been blocking Penny from getting under our house was broken into three pieces and thrown in the front yard. All while I was at home with Lily.

The thing is, we had gotten a letter like this before. It was the same week that we thought we were moving into the other house. Both letters were quite vulgar, accusing us of turning on their faucets and writing them a letter about Michael Donald (the last man to be lynched by the KKK), telling us that we're poor and should go to the Salvation Army to buy food, and that we shouldn't hang our clothes outside because the house we rent came with a washer and dryer. Um . . . what? (Also, the guy who owns the business across the street also got a similar letter that he didn't understand.)

The first letter we dismissed, mostly because we thought we were moving and weren't sure it was our neighbors. But this time I was sure. This letter talked particularly about how we said good morning to them the day before and that we should never talk to them again. Also, there was something about our dog slowly dying (like, um, how we're all slowly dying?) and that we have a half empty house (???). So, I called Adam, who was working Sunday, and then called the cops.

Long story short, the neighbors admitted everything and the cops told them if they do anything further, they won't hesitate to put them in jail. Awesome, huh? Thankfully, we had already put a deposit on this new place and, like I said, the neighborhood is much nicer. Hopefully, our neighbors won't be crazy and will at least be grown up enough to talk to us if there's a problem.

So, we were glad to get keys to the new place and glad to go over there and inspect every inch of it. We have a lot of cleaning to do since no one has lived there in three months, but it is certainly with joyful hearts. And we have to sell our dining room table because it won't fit -- a small price to pay.

But this is legit, not like last time. Our new landlord has an office job and wears a tie and suspenders every day. And my friend lived right next door to our new home when our landlord lived there, and she speaks very highly of him and the neighborhood. These are very good signs.

The State We're In

It was a tough weekend. For a good day and a half, I just wandered around looking at boxes, not knowing what to do next, and wishing I could cry about it. But I didn't cry. I didn't really do anything except talk and talk and talk with Adam about what the next step for us would be. Should we stay put (our landlord said we could) or find another rental or buy a foreclosed home and fix it up or bury our heads in the sand? What do you do when you have no idea what to do? Stay put. And that's what we're doing.

But let me say, unpacking most of our stuff just to put it right back where it came from is oh-so depressing. Most of it is still packed and our house is in disarray. I'll take care of it eventually -- right after I write my Curator article, start working on my syllabus, pack for vacation, get an oil change for my car, and bake something for the bake sale I'm missing this weekend. In the meantime, we're still keeping our eyes and ears open for another rental, though we're in no hurry to move. After this whirlwind experience, slow sounds good -- delicious, even.

Thankfully, we're getting out of dodge on Saturday. A week away will be fabulous!

So It Goes

I don't know if you've ever read Slaughterhouse Five. I don't remember a whole lot about it -- something about time/space travel and a war vet -- but what I do remember is that every time someone died, Vonnegut wrote the same refrain: So it goes.

No, no one has died. But something almost equally tragic has happened. We're not moving into the new place. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Apparently, the man we signed the lease with and his ex-wife have been to court over the house, it is actually for sale, and our lease is invalid. The landlord stopped by last night to inform us that his ex-wife had changed the locks and we had to go over there immediately if we wanted the stuff we'd already moved. Um, what?

He gave us our deposit back and we set up a time tomorrow with the realtor to pick up our stuff. In the meantime, almost everything we have is in boxes and we're not moving. And we don't know what we're doing next. So it goes.

I'm seriously considering running away and joining the circus. Sounds better than having to unpack everything again. Maybe I can teach Lily how to juggle.