Baby on the Brain

I woke up in the middle of the night (as pregnant ladies with babies pushing on their bladders all night are apt to do), went to the restroom, climbed back in bed, and looked at the cradle beside me. So far when I've looked at it, I "awww-ed" to myself thinking that a tiny little person will sleep there soon. But last night it occurred to me -- I have no idea how to care for an infant. And I haven't done a whole bunch of reading up on it, which is surprising. I usually read everything I can get my hands on, but since I've been on information overload lately, and infant care has not been on the forefront of my mind.

I know I'll be fine, but the whole thing is mind blowing. Just like the birth. I know I'll do well and I'll get through it, but that I'm actually going to do it is surreal.

And I am ready to be home. Going to work gets harder by the day. I have a total of seven days left (including today) before my leave, and all I want is to be home relaxing and taking care of little things around the house I didn't get to this weekend. And I just flat out have baby on the brain, which makes editing boring elevator articles even more difficult than usual.

It will all come together. I just need some patience.

Camera Woes, Continued

I'm sad to say our camera is out of commission again. Friday evening, I went to upload a few pictures, including one I had just taken of my ever-growing belly, and the camera wouldn't turn on. I'm about 95% sure the battery isn't dead, and considering what happened with it last weekend, I wasn't surprised that it wasn't miraculously healed like I hoped. Saturday, Adam and I took it to the camera shop only to find that the shop is only open Monday through Friday from 9-5, so he has to get there when he can during the week. I told him he has to overemphasize the direness of our knowing if it's repairable, like we need to know by this weekend if we have to buy a new camera. Part of me hopes we do because I'd love a nice new camera just in time for the baby, and my dad offered to help us out as part of Adam's birthday gift if we need a new one. (Adam turns 30 next month. Shh. He doesn't want anyone to know.)

Until we figure this out, no new photos from me. And I'm still pretty bummed about it.

We had a wild but wonderful weekend:

*A doctor's appointment. No progress yet, but there's plenty of time.

*A crazy thunderstorm Friday night. It was raining 6-12 inches an hour and some people were flooded out of their homes. We live on pretty high ground and were okay. And our garden looks to be flourishing even though it was flooded again.

*Shopping, then organizing the house.

*Naps all around.

*The most delicious buffalo chicken dinner I've had in a long time and basketball watching.

*Laundry.

*Having maternity photographs taken.

*Hanging around the fire station with Adam and enjoying a steak dinner.

*More basketball.

It was a superb weekend, but I hate coming in to work on Monday tired. Thankfully, I only have a week and a half left of work!

Happy Monday!

How to Read a Book

[ Photo: Steve Mishos ]

I have an essay up at The Curator today: How to Read a Book. I spent some time musing over the importance of reading, especially because of my desire for my child to love reading. At least, I hope to instill in him or her a great appreciation for the written word, moreso that for, say, television or video games. Alissa, editor of The Curator, forwarded an email for me from The Center for the Study of Great Ideas, founded by Mortimer J. Adler, asking me to buy DVDs on the art of reading. Seems ironic to have DVDs that you watch that discuss reading.

The past days have brought lots of rain. Good news is I get to wear my wellies; bad news, our backyard is a swamp and our garden is flooded.We're hoping that our plants will survive, but they're still so small. Just the other day I was admiring how much they've grown. Now they're struggling to keep their little heads above water.

Happy Friday! Stay dry.

84 | 365

I need endless amounts of energy I don't have.
But I'm inspired by watching my husband study.

What I Might Do

With just a handful of days left prebaby, I have been accumulating a mental checklist of to do's. In trying to keep life simple, my to do lists have gone by the wayside. And in looking toward maternity leave, I imagine the concept of a timetable will become foreign save for the rising and falling of the sun. But in these last days of pregnancy, here's what I hope to do:

*Go to a local farm to find out what kind of goodies they have

*Purchase knitting supplies so I can learn how to knit

*Get maternity portraits taken

*Finish reading A Wrinkle in Time

*Take lots of naps and watch as much TV as I want

My postbaby list is quite a bit more extensive, but I prefer to keep it in my head so I can forget things I want to do and not get overwhelmed. And in the interest of keeping life simple, I don't want any lists or goals hanging over my head as I adjust to being a mama. Really, nothing on a to do list can compare to the big to do of motherhood.

83 | 365, aka. A Camera Miracle!

Our camera suddenly seems to be fully functioning again. I was just about to do a little camera research on the Best Buy website, flipped it on just to see if it was still malfunctioning, and everything seems to be in working order. I think we still best get it checked out, just to be sure.

After a two day hiatus, I offer day 83 of 365.

Lazy Weekend and My Sad Little Camera

Saturday morning started at 5:30, with two small animals using my bed as a trampoline. I tried my best to get back to sleep, but finally got up around seven just to realize we had no milk left for me to put in my coffee (even though it has no caffeine, I still get a psychological rush from drinking it). I got dressed and drove myself to the grocery store where I knew I could get a hot cup of coffee, milk, and, you know, food. As I pulled into the parking lot, Adam called and said he wasn't working 12 hours of overtime; it was actually 24. He wouldn't be home until Sunday morning.

Once I finished grocery shopping, spending much less than I anticipated, I drove home and listened to Bob Edwards Weekend, unpacked the groceries, started a load of laundry, and laid on the couch. For two hours. I was totally wiped out. The rest of the day, I went to the gym, finished the laundry, took another nap, made dinner, and watched a film I really enjoyed, Rachel Getting Married.

And I'll admit that being so lazy was great.

Yesterday was more of the same. Adam and I went for coffee and bagels, catching up after not seeing each other for two days. Then we stopped at the store, took the dog for a walk, and watched basketball all afternoon. He fixed the posts for our clothesline, and I sat in the sunshine talking on the phone with a friend before sewing new pillow covers for the living room.

But when I went to take a photograph of said pillow covers, I discovered that our camera is not functioning properly. It seems to be working fine (making all the appropriate noises) but takes pictures but of nothing. Nothing shows up on the display window and the lens isn't responding to changes in light. When it takes a photo, it's just white. I was not very happy.

So now, with less than a month left to my due date, we have a malfunctioning camera that needs to be repaired. And, sadly, I was unable to take my picture for the day for the first time in 80 days. I'm pretty bummed. Hopefully it's an easy (and cheap!) repair. We have money that we could use toward a new camera, but it's really supposed to be used for paying bills while I'm out of work. Grrr.

A sad end to a lovely weekend.

78-80 | 365

[ 78 | 365 ]
I have a love-hate relationship with pregnancy.
I will miss some of it, but I want my body back.

[ 79 | 365 ]
Baby shower at work went better than expected.
Still, it was a long day.

[ 80 | 365 ]
Lazy Saturday. Not many left.
Satisfied with having done next to nothing.

77 | 365

Came home hoping to go for a walk.
Talked to my mom about her visit to see the baby instead.

Can Facebook Be Your Friend?

This month's issue of Real Simple includes an essay on Facebook, "Can Facebook Be Your Friend?" The essay, directed to non-FB users, looks at how information is disseminated through the social media, even for people who don't have accounts. You just have to know someone who does and who shares information about you, from old photographs to whether your kid just learned to use the potty. FB is, apparently, inescapable.

I try to limit my FB time, but it's compelling to check other people's pages, read their status updates, and peek at photos posted of them, or friends of theirs, or friends of friends. The scary thing is that no one can control what information is being broadcast about them. The essay points out that people invariably move forward, wanting to leave their former selves behind. But as soon as someone posts and old picture, comments on the past, or sometimes even just shows up, all that moving forward can be for naught.

I'd like to think that my own FB experience has been pretty tame. I haven't had anything dramatic happen or gotten upset that someone posted pictures of me from college. I haven't had an old friend or boyfriend pop up, just for me to revisit angry or insecure feelings. Everything has been pretty steady. I update my status daily but not compulsively, I post pictures occasionally (though all my Flickr photos are filtered onto my wall), and my blog posts are reposted there, but I don't consider myself addicted. I think of FB as a way to connect to the handful of people who I don't get to see on a regular basis but wish I did. And, of the some 200 "friends" I have, most are peripheral.

Of course, as a soon-to-be-mama, I wonder what impact FB might have for my child and our little family. But I also wonder about this as it relates to my blogs (which I imagined my baby blog continuing to be an update for friends and family throughout the country) and Flickr account, the places I update the most. How much exposure of my child do I want others to be able to easily access? How much information do I give? Should I be totally candid or guarded?

In beginning my blogging experience, I was naively open about all sorts of things. Then I realized that it's not a diary with a lock and key, and people might actually read it. If they read it, then they'll know what I think or what I'm planning or what I've done. I have to be a guardian of my own privacy.

I love blogs that deeply personal, that give glimpses into people's daily lives. I just wonder how much is too much, or if there really is such a thing as too much anymore. Perhaps this is just the way things are headed, that we will not have any true privacy even if we choose not to participate in the interwebs. Perhaps it's better to jump in with both feet than try to resist. I still think there must be a balance in all of it and, even though the personal blog has been touted to be dead, I prefer turning to it than FB. (Really, I'd prefer to sit down and have a cup of coffee with everyone I care about, but this is geographically impossible right now.)

We all have a responsibility to use socia media responsibly, and that means considering the impact and potential detriment of what is posted about others and ourselves. Unfortunately, some are having to learn the hard way, but hopefully most of us, particularly those past college age, are guarding our privacy adequately.

76 | 365

The cat thinks the baby toys are hers.

She's not getting her paws on this one.

Moving Along

I'm still amazed at how quickly the weeks are passing. Is March really more than half over?

I'm still happily taking a photo a day, though some days are more difficult than others. I read suggestions for how to keep it fresh, the main one being to take a picture of something special you do everyday, but it's harder than it sounds. The fact is, I don't do something special every day and my weekdays are boring -- go to work, come home tired, maybe crack a book, watch more TV than I'd like to admit.

And I'm okay with it being boring. It's going to get exciting all too soon.

This weekend, one of the circuits in our house broke, leaving the outlets in the living room, dining room, and part of our bedroom unusable. It should be fixed today, after the monsoon that was this weekend, but Sunday we ran an extension cord through the house so we could watch a little TV. We watched the announcement of teams for March Madness and planned our respective brackets, something we do every year, though I don't know much about any of the teams. Yesterday, we both made our picks.

Sunday, I also went a little crazy cleaning, aka. nesting, and pulled everything out of the cupboards in the bathroom, reorganized it, and put it back along with little baby towels, washcloths, and shampoos. But I overdid it and am still very sore. That same day, I also was tending to the garden in the rain, sunk in (thank goodness for wellies), and fell onto my butt. Adam had to rescue me, but I think I bruised my tailbone. It's killing me today.

Last night, Adam set everything up for me to take a bath, so I could relax my sore, pregnant self. He put out the Real Simple that came in the mail, the book I'm currently reading, and a glass so I could have a teeny bit of wine. While I soaked and flipped pages, he made homemade pizza for dinner. I just enjoyed the quiet while our little cat crept up to the tub, poking her head over the edge to see what I was doing. When I'd look over at her, she'd take off running and I would laugh.

Our baby is due five weeks from today. I set up an online baby pool for anyone who'd like to make a guess about the baby and the upcoming birth. Click here and play along!

73-75 | 365

[ 73 | 365 ]
Went to the beach to visit friends.
Spent much longer than planned but had a lovely time.

[ 74 | 365 ]
Electricity went out in the living room.
Had to replace fuse but it kept tripping.
Waiting for landlord to come fix it.

[ 75 | 365 ]
Lots of rain today. I need an umbrella.

71, 72 | 365

[ 71 | 365 ]

Watched college basketball on fuzzy cable and stayed up much too late.

[72 | 365]
Coffee. Doctor's appointment. Lunch at the French Market Cafe.
A long nap. Pediatrician meeting. Natural birth class. Dinner.

I Love Mail

My aunt surprised me today by sending more tea my way and a card that just about made me cry. I also got two discs from Netflix, a sample of Greenies for Penny (you can get a free sample for dogs or cats on the website), and I Love You cards. Junk mail be damned!

I spent the afternoon wrestling with my Curator article. This one seems to have a life of its own, and I need to pin it down so I can finish on time. But first I need to scrounge up some dinner and relax for a bit.

Happy Wednesday, all!

70 | 365

A friend gave birth today. She has another daughter.
I wonder what we're having.

Blue Skies

One of the things I find remarkable about Alabama is how blue the sky is, and how often. Having come from Rochester, one of the cloudiest cities in the U.S., it's refreshing to look up and see blue sky year round -- even if it's March and it's already 80 degrees and humid.

In the last week, flowers have been in bloom and that spring feeling is all around. Kids are playing outside in the evenings, thanks to our early clock change, and even I feel more energized when I get home from work at 5 o'clock. I know I've said it before, but I'm glad our baby will be born in the spring, that I can anticipate its birth in the one season I truly enjoy living in the South.

What I anticipate even more is the next phase, moving forward. Pregnancy is ultimately about patience and waiting. So much is unknown in the great mystery of it all, and so much happens within a pregnant woman's body that she has no control over. Last night, my dad told me how excited he is to meet this little one, and how great and rewarding a task parenting is. One thing he has taught me is that, ultimately, being transparent is the best way to parent -- admit your faults, be honest, don't give up.

In the waiting of pregnancy, I sometimes wonder what I've gotten myself into. But I believe that staying in the moment, even if anticipating the next, is where growth can occur (and I don't just me an ever-expanding belly). It doesn't matter what we're waiting for, it's always for something. To wait means to be still, try to find contentment in current circumstances, and admit that I have no control. And I don't.

I am just thankful that coupled with my period of waiting is anticipation and hope for things ahead.

69 | 365

Spring seems to have already eluded us.
It's even humid indoors, but the sunlight is incredible.

65-68 | 365

[ 65 | 365 ]
Friday, this week, I am especially thankful that you're here.

[ 67 | 365 ]
Our garden needs tending.
For now, it's a one person job.

[ 67 | 365 ]
Laundered all the baby clothes -- incredibly small things.
Then met Adam at natural birth class.

[ 68 | 365 ]
We like quiet afternoons.

Food Matters on Colbert

My friend Johanna sent me this video from the Colbert Report, a show I've sadly never seen, due to our lack of cable. It's an interview with Mark Bittman, food writer for the New York Times and author of several cookbooks who has a new book out, Food Matters: A Conscious Guide to Eating. I haven't read the book, but the interview is pretty funny, peppered with facts about consumption and fossil fuels, industrial farming, and processed foods. Interestingly, Bittman says he eats vegan every day until 6 p.m. Take a peek.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Mark Bittman

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle

Joke of the Day

64 | 365

Adam is gone for a short trip.
For me, it's just another day at work.

Green Week - Days 3, 4

Coffee & coats

63 | 365

Sirens are going off outside.
I'm anxious to get into a new book but prefer the quiet.

Outside the Lines

I just spent an hour punching out what I hope will become my next Curator article. I'm taking more of a personal essay approach this go around and hope what I've written will evolve into something interesting. The other day I asked Adam for ideas on what I should write about, lamenting that I'm so into pregnancy and babies that my usually diversified interests are few and far between. He said I should write about being pregnant, but I'm just not sure about that yet. Maybe next month, right before the baby is born.

I think I've got a hold of a decent idea. I just have to let it marinate a bit and keep writing until I get all my thoughts out. Usually when I write, I am as meticulous as possible -- the writer's version of coloring inside the lines. This time, I'm getting out a giant paintbrush and making a bit of a mess. I have faith I'll be able to clean it up later, or at least rewrite it in an organized fashion. It's an experiment. Of course, one way or another, you'll see the results on March 27.

After reading Jenni's plan to thwart procrastination, I felt like it is appropriate that I get mine under control. Particularly when it comes to writing. I don't know why, but I'm scared of sitting down to write and finding I have nothing to say. This is part of why I don't blog every day -- I'm afraid I don't really have anything to say, or that what I do have to say is terribly uninteresting. But, oddly enough, once I can actually get myself to start writing, things usually come smoothly and easily. It's getting to that point that's the problem.

In addition to procrastination, I have a perfectionism problem. If it's not going to be right the first time, I don't want to do it. That's why I used to buy notebooks, excited about all the possibilities and what I might write, and never actually write in them. I wanted them to stay pristine and didn't want to tarnish them with misspelled or crossed out words. In college, I told a friend about this and asked her if she ever worries about these things. She looked at me like I had a third eye. And I still struggle with it, having just bought my first moleskin notebook. I've had it a month and have only written on three pages.

When it comes to writing, I'd like to say that I do it every day. (And I do for my job, but that doesn't count. Writing about mergers and updates to building projects doesn't really equate here.) But I don't. I used to, and it was like breathing, something I had to do or I might die. Somewhere along the way, I lost the drive. But I didn't lose the ability. I need to figure out a way to incorporate it back into my daily routine. Honestly, I hope the birth of my child bears new things in my life as well, like a resurrection of creativity and inspiration. For now, I'll do what I can with a giant paintbrush.

62 | 365, Green Week - Day Two

[ 62 | 365 ]
It's been a long day.
Got my yearly review at work.
I am happy for simple things like pasta and baths and books.

61 | 365, Green Week - Day One

It's green week, friends. Here's my daily contribution. The first photo is also my picture of the day. If you want to get in on the green action, it's not too late. Just leave a comment on Emily's blog.

Be green and cheery -- especially if you've been inundated with snow!

[ 61 | 365 ]
Green is my favorite color. I never tire of finding it.

[ Wore the green turtleneck without realizing it was green week. Pretty fortuitous, eh? ]

59, 60 | 365

[59 | 365 ]
Lots of reorganizing and baking today.
It was humid inside the house and we have no windows that open.

[ 60 | 365 ]
Lazy, lazy Sunday.
More days should be spent with eyes closed on the couch.

Weekend Windup

Adam and I spent all weekend together, and it was superb. Saturday, we busied ourselves with grocery shopping before swapping our bedroom for the spare room and setting up all the baby stuff in our former room. We have a lot more room in our bedroom now -- and had one of those "why didn't we think of this before?" moments -- and the bassinet is sitting along my side of the bed, ready for baby to come slumber. I also baked bread and made more granola and generally did too much. After all the standing and moving, my body hurt, especially my feet.

Our birth class was Saturday afternoon, so we headed to the hospital, got a tour of the maternity ward, and learned quite a bit. I left satisfied with our choice of where our child is born. Many of the nurses are proponents of natural birth, and they can make accommodations for things on a birth plan, like having a rocking chair or birth ball and being able to eat popsicles. I can also get a portable fetal monitor so I can walk around and not be confined to the bed. While we were there, we signed up for the natural childbirth class, the first of which is next Sunday.

I'll admit that the trepidation I was feeling about motherhood is quickly melting away. I'm going to be a mommy, and I'm darned excited about it!

Yesterday was a lazy day, as I expected after our busy Saturday. I did the laundry, took a long nap, and finished a book. We grilled burgers, even though it was quite frigid and blustery, and ate salad with homemade croutons. Then, I talked to my mom and made plans for her to come visit right after the baby is born.

All in all, a fantastic weekend. I hope yours was equally great!

PS. I did take my project 365 pictures but didn't take time to get on the computer to post them. I will today. Also, this week is green week, hosted by Emily, and I'm an eager participant (though I forgot all about it until today).