Dear Lily (at Four Months)

Dear Lily,

Today you are four months old. My, how time flies. Every week I count how many I've known you, but they are starting to get too numerous, so now I'll be counting months. Four months!

Yesterday, I asked Daddy if he thinks motherhood suits me. You would think I had asked him if the sky was blue. Yes, of course. I guess I just needed a little affirmation.

A long time ago, before you showed up, I wasn't actually sure I would ever want to be a mother. This world is a crazy place and I didn't know if it would be fair to bring a child into it. But my heart stirred and stirred, and I realized that bringing you into the world could make it a better place. That is my hope for you and for our family, that the world would be better because we are here.

This month, you learned all sorts of tricks! You giggled for the first time, though you still don't do it very often. You also realized that you can squeal and for days all you did was squeal. Daddy and I would laugh whenever you did it, especially when we had laid you down in bed and your little baby sounds broke the silence.

You also reach out and touch my face now. When I am feeding you, occasionally you'll stop, look up at me, and reach for my face. I kiss your hand and pretend to eat it, and you always smile. This morning, though, you reached for my hot coffee and I realized that this is the beginning of the end.

We think you are going to lose your gummy smile to some teeth soon. You gnaw on Daddy's and my fingers almost nonstop. And the drool! I never knew so much saliva could come out of one little person.

Being your mommy is the best job I've ever had. Even on the darkest of days, knowing I can kiss and cuddle you makes my entire life worthwhile. I look at you and know that someday you'll grow up and have a baby of your own, and you'll know this joy for yourself. But for now you get to be the recipient of all my love and attention.

I love you, Peanut!

Mommy