Books & Photos in 2010

This year was the year of ridiculous ambition. After giving up working outside the home, I figured I should put my free time to good use, and I sort of became a challenge junky. But -- hear me now! -- I'm giving that all up this year, I swear.

The grandest of challenges I took on were as follows:

1. Read 52 books this year.
2. Take one photograph for each day this year.

I can say with confidence and a bit of indifference that I failed both. I didn't complete either task one hundred percent. But I did read forty books this year and I did take (assuming I take one tomorrow) 362 photographs.

And I call that a success. It doesn't matter to my daughter that I did these things. It doesn't matter to my husband. It doesn't matter to anyone that I even tried them. But it matters to me. It matters that I had the guts to try, even if I couldn't do it all. It matters that I filled my time with things that make me happy, things that I might have done anyway but that gave me a reason to keep going when I otherwise might have given up.

So here is a short list of the books I read this year that were life changing, in one way or another:
Real Love for Real Life: The Art and Work of Caring -- Andi Ashworth
Real Food: What to Eat and Why -- Nina Planck
Walking on Water -- Madeleine L'Engle
Traveling with Pomegranates -- Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor
The Mission of Motherhood -- Sally Clarkson
Understanding Exposure -- Bryan Peterson
Hipster Christianity -- Brett McCracken
Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life -- Margaret Kim Peterson
The Artist's Way -- Julia Cameron
Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies -- Marilyn Chandler McIntyre

[See full list here.]

And photography, a hobby that sort of somehow became this thing that I sort of love almost more than I love the written word, has this year become more than I could have expected. I'm sure I don't have to tell you.

It's been quite a year. I hope to make a new book list for 2011, but who knows. I won't be doing the 365 project next year. I won't be trying to read a book a week. I won't be trying to do anything except enjoying my life every single day and living by the words of Henry David Thoreau:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Why I Love Shooting Film

Today I have an essay up at Art House Blog on why I love shooting film. I picked up another roll this morning, and I am always in awe -- not so much at my skills as what film can do. It's magical.

A mere two weeks are left in this year and I have decided that in 2011 I won't be continuing the 365 Project. Of course I'll still be shooting both of my cameras a lot, but it's gotten to the point where at the end of the day I haven't taken a picture and I end up taking a picture of the table. Again. I attribute a lot of my growth as a photographer to that project, and highly recommend it to anyone and everyone, but it's time for me to take a break.

I'm kind of relieved, actually. I am not taking on any crazy year-long challenges for 2011, which as my friend Jessie pointed out is actually a year-long challenge in itself. Haha. At any rate, I'm worn out. I want to take photos when I want and read books when I want and knit when I want. Take that, 2011!

365 | 2009

So here it is. The culmination of a year lived the best it could: these photographs. This was my year, give or take a hundred days. Those days were lost to a broken camera and the beautiful struggle of adding a third person to our family, and also to days that were so dark that I couldn't find one picture-worthy moment within them.

As I looked through the photos that I've taken for this project, 253 in all, I didn't see the darkness. I didn't see the days where I saw more tears than breaths, or the days I wasn't sure I'd ever sleep well again, or the days I had no hope. All I saw was what's beautiful in my life -- the simple, ordinary, lovely things I have that have sustained me through this year's ups and downs. Most importantly I saw two faces that give me security and purpose and more love that I could ever hope.

This project changed my life, or at least the way I see my life. And it helped rekindle my passion for art and creative pursuits. If you're looking for a new year's ambition, try the 365 project. Carry your camera with you and photograph your beautiful life. I plan to again in 2010, and I hope to refine my photography skills as I grow more accustomed to my smart little camera.

It's a beautiful life, friends. Here's to another year. Cheers!

With Year's End . . .

With year's end comes excellent news: Adam passed his registry exam! When he returned home for the test yesterday, he was sure he had failed. What a relief to find he hadn't. And what cause for celebration as we move into the new year. In fact, we're having steaks with his coworkers tonight to celebrate.

Just yesterday I was giving a little thought to this past year. It was a hard year, a remarkable one, and one filled with so much unexpected joy and challenge. I took a peek at my old blog, just to see where I was a year ago, and I had to resist the urge to cringe. Life was so full of possibilities, and I bursting with hope that 2009 would be better than 2008. And it was -- I didn't lose my job, I carried a baby successfully to term, and I grew . . . a lot.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 2009 was a year of transition and growth for me. With Lily came a lot of unanticipated changes. I knew that becoming a mother would be tough. I didn't know that it would change my relationships with people so dramatically. Some relationships have mended, while others have been torn apart. I'm learning how to love and forgive and move on.

This year, I also struggled to figure out that I can't do it all and that, maybe, I don't want to. And even though we don't intend to stay in Alabama for too much longer, I'm learning that it is important to bloom where you're planted, no matter where it is.

And though these are by no means set in stone, I do have a few intentions for 2010:

:: Make time for the table. I sort of envision this year being the year of the table. Our table has been sorely neglected and we have spent too much time (gasp!) eating in front of the TV. I'd also like to spend time there daily to pause and think and make notes and read and stare at the pink house next door.

:: Get in bed before I fall asleep. I'm embarrassed to admit how often Adam and I fall asleep while watching TV. I'm thinking about making a rule that we turn it off at 9, and either find something else to do (aka. read) or go to sleep because we're often wiped out by that hour anyway (yes, we're that cool).

:: Take a photo (almost) every day in 2010. More thoughts on this later.

:: Read a lot.

:: Decorate.

Twinkling

There's no doubt that I will miss the Christmas lights when we take them down this week. I admit I probably went overboard with the bokeh, but what else is this fancy camera for than forcing those twinkly, bright little circles? I suggest that everyday be filled with twinkling lights, and have wracked my brain trying to think of a way to keep them as part of the decor without making our house look like a dorm. Ideas?

As we transition back into non-Christmas mode, I've been thinking about ways to add a bit of flavor to this grey house. (You have noticed that it's pretty grey around here, right?) We're stuck with the wall color, but I definitely think I can up the ante so this place looks less like a cave and more like a home.

As I'm resisting the temptation to write myself a thousand new year's resolutions (I've already made a pretty big one), I think that time spent making this place into a home is time well spent. So we won't call it a resolution. How about an ambition? That sounds better.

What I Might Do

With just a handful of days left prebaby, I have been accumulating a mental checklist of to do's. In trying to keep life simple, my to do lists have gone by the wayside. And in looking toward maternity leave, I imagine the concept of a timetable will become foreign save for the rising and falling of the sun. But in these last days of pregnancy, here's what I hope to do:

*Go to a local farm to find out what kind of goodies they have

*Purchase knitting supplies so I can learn how to knit

*Get maternity portraits taken

*Finish reading A Wrinkle in Time

*Take lots of naps and watch as much TV as I want

My postbaby list is quite a bit more extensive, but I prefer to keep it in my head so I can forget things I want to do and not get overwhelmed. And in the interest of keeping life simple, I don't want any lists or goals hanging over my head as I adjust to being a mama. Really, nothing on a to do list can compare to the big to do of motherhood.

Accomplishments

I have a running list of the many, many things I'd like to accomplish. But very little is actually being accomplished. I had hoped at the beginning of this year to change things up, which I have to a certain extent. I am still trying to take things slow, to cook meals from scratch (though I'll admit to eating a bowl of cereal and air-popped popcorn for dinner once this week), to clean up instead of letting messes sit, to make the bed, and to be kind.

But I'll be honest, I don't do nearly as much as I'd like. Between being pregnant and Adam being in class every night, I get home from work and feel totally unmotivated to do much of anything. This week has been particularly bad because I've been choosing TV watching over doing much else. I even have thank you notes for my shower a month ago that still need to be written and sent.

Adam assured me that this is all no big deal, and if I need to rest and be lazy, I should. He can be so wise -- and definitely knows how to make me feel better.

What I'm waiting for is that nesting instinct to kick in. A friend told me that once it does, I'll have the cleanest toilets on the block. I don't care much about my toilets, but I would like to get a few things done.

What's the Rush?

[artist: Nick Dewar | photo courtesty: ReadyMade]

As one of my new year's resolutions ambitions, I am making a concerted effort to take things slow, to savor moments and not rush on to the next thing. I realize more each day how contrary this is to what I've learned. Through the process of going to school -- always rushing on to the next year -- then college, graduate school, getting married, getting a job, getting another job, having a baby, it is easy to always be looking to the next move or the next exciting thing rather than enjoying the moment at hand.

All last year, I heard about the Slow Food movement and read about people giving up television or their cars in an effort to live a simpler life. And I agreed wholeheartedly that a simpler life was worthwhile, but I still found myself whining throughout the year about how life was unfair and that having and developing patience was a waste of time. Come to find out, that's not true.

As I flipped my way through Kathleen Norris's Acedia & me last month, I was impressed by how she emphasized embracing the moment. Every moment. Even the painful ones or the boring ones. Each has a purpose and helps carve out who we are and who we will become.

And so I have been making an effort to actually cook meals rather than eat a bowl of cereal for dinner, to wash the pots and pans instead of leaving them in the sink for days, to make the bed in the morning, to drive slower and not yell at other drivers, to make time for people. I consider that these are ways to honor others, myself, and most importantly God.

I'm by no means good at this yet. My first instinct is to freak out about everything, run people over and call them morons, and plop down on the couch to watch TV mindlessly for hours. But that's not really living, or at least not living well. So, I constantly remind myself to slow down and relax and be in the moment.

And, yes, we have plans for the future and hopes and ambitions and a baby to raise for the next 20 years, but here is not such a bad place to be. And the good things is, it's not permanent.

Happy New Year!

Welcome to my new blog. With so many changes in store for 2009, a new blog gives me a chance to refocus my vision and, in some ways, reinvent myself. So, if you've been following my old blog, expect this one to be more of the same but more intentional.

I'm not much for making resolutions since they most often get broken. I'm someone who is constantly revising herself and resolving to do all sorts of things, so new year's resolutions don't equate to a whole lot for me. But these are different. Mostly, I'm motivated to make changes in my life because of the bun in my oven, who will be here in less than four months.

Here's the list:

:: Take a picture everyday. I know of at least two other people who are doing this, and I think documenting a year in my life through pictures is an interesting challenge. I'll be posting my daily picture on this blog and in Adam's and my Flickr account.

:: Read the bible cover to cover. Two years I attempted to do this and didn't make it past Leviticus. Adam will be reading along with me.

:: Take it slow. I've already been trying to do this, to be in present in every moment and not racing on to the next. I'm trying to drive slower, eat slower, wash the dishes by hand, turn off the television and have more conversations, not multitask. By taking it slow, I think I can live most fully.

:: Be more relationship and community oriented. I am bad about keeping up with people and about reaching out. Most of the time, I am okay being by myself, keeping busy with various things, but I need to work harder to keep people I love in my life and to reach out to new people. It's too easy to become complacent, which I'm afraid I've been.

The best thing about life is that it is always new, that you get a second chances and third and fourth. I'm thankful for new chances and for changes, for all the beauty that life can hold. Here's wishing you a great 2009. It's going to be a fabulous year!