24 August 2010

The First Day

First day
A year ago, I was a woman who nursed an almost four month old, who barely slept even though the baby slept through the night, who felt alone and scared most of the time, and who wasn't ready to let go of who she was before the baby and accept who she was now as a mother. When I walked into the classroom last fall, I carried with me a divided heart.

I was a basketcase almost all of the time.

So taking the spring semester off was good for me. Good enough that I decided to teach again this fall. Still, I spent most of the summer fretting and worrying about what happened last year, and fearing this time around would be repeat performance.

But things are different now. I'm sleeping and Adam is working less and Lily still needs me but in a different way.

Sunday night I told Adam that I would know if I was ready by how good a night's sleep I'd get. Last year I was up most of the night before classes. This year I slept so well I woke up later than I expected. This is huge.

Yesterday, the first day of the semester, was a good, good day. I hope and expect more will come.


Sarah said...

Lindsay, I happened across your blog somehow . . . I don't even remember the links I clicked to get here now. What I do know is that your post reminds me that I'm normal . . . I had a daughter in January, went back to work in May, and have struggled with who I am and what being a mother means for the rest of my life. Thank you for reminding me that answers will come. And blessings on the school year!

Christine said...

A very courageous post. Wishing the best for you this semester, that you would find joy and peace in your days and nights.