13 May 2010

Kind Words

When Adam and I went to our premarital counseling, the most important thing impressed upon us was the importance of guarding the unity of our marriage. This includes not badmouthing each other and keeping the private matters of our marriage private. In the almost five years of our married life, we've worked hard to do just that. And since becoming a family of three, I'd like to think that the idea of guarding our unity extends to our little one as well.

At a moms' group I attended recently, I was disturbed to find myself sitting at a table of women who did nothing but openly disrespect their children and husbands. To make matters worse, they each tried to outdo the others with their outrageous stories, and I got up to sit at another table. I just couldn't take it.

Being a wife and a mother is hard work, but it brings me so much joy. Adam and Lily are the people I share my life with, the ones I'm committed to, the ones I'm sticking with. And I hope to never speak so harshly about them, especially to other people.

And what's more, I enjoy them. Even in the craziness, I enjoy them.


Christine said...

A great word. I wholeheartedly agree.

Sophia said...

Scott and I never did premarital counceling (he was in Canada, I was in Roch for the last few months before our wedding...) I KNOW we would have benefitted. For many reasons:
ie. expectations in marriage (while I didn't really think I had any before hand, once married, I quickly realized I definately had some).

I know I have been guilty,on many occassions, of 'venting my frustrations' with my hubby to friends and I reallllllly want to work on that. I think having grown up in a sarcastic household, I have always thought of the bantering interactions sort of 'playful'. However, once being a part of such banter it definately affects the relationship. You think, this is the person I love, WHY do we do this??
It's a bad cycle.

So what happened when you got up and left the table? did any of the other women notice or ask why you got up?
Good for you!

bethany said...

well said. the thing that james and i learned most from our premarital counseling is the art of communication. the tone and the way in which you speak to each other when frustration rises can make all the difference. instead of "YOU never help me clean!! YOU are such a slob and YOU don't even care that I just spent twenty minutes cleaning the whole bathroom and it's already trashed." We try to make statements like, "I just spent some time cleaning the bathroom and I would really appreciate it if you would help me keep it clean by keeping it picked up."

I know that sounds so nerdy when you read it. . . but seriously, talking to each other with "I" statements with feelings included works a whole lot better than pointing a finger and saying "YOU" a whole bunch of times.

Did that make any sense? I feel like I'm rambling!

Laura Leigh Dobson said...

such a good post lindsay! so true.