14 October 2009

30 Days of Happiness | Little Blue Mug

I'm sure this is overkill, the whole broken mug as metaphor for life. This is supposed to be 30 Days of Happiness. I should be happy. I should be looking for the beautiful and celebrating the simple.

But allow me to be candid for a moment: I'm stressed out. And when this mug jumped off the drying rack and landed on the floor, I was disappointed. It was a gift from a friend in college with whom I've lost touch. It was the last reminder of our friendship. Now it's at the bottom of the trash can. How fitting.

I came across this quote from E.M. Forrester and it has stuck with me for quite some time. It says, "We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned to have the life that is waiting for us." I'm not sure I've read anything so applicable and poignant. As stressed as I am, I've come to realize that I can't do it all, and I need to cut myself some slack. We live far away from family, my husband works crazy hours, and I have a baby who deserves my undivided attention.

After wrestling with it for weeks, I decided I need a break from teaching. I've been pouring so much of myself into my classes and getting little in return. Grading and planning and managing students has been more difficult than before, and it's because I have someone else constantly lobbying for my time and attention. And right now, all I want to do is give it to her.

In the grand scheme of things, it's really not a big deal. But in my little world, it is. I hate to give up something I love so much, but it's the right choice right now. This is just a season, and Lily is only little once, right?

Even if my little blue mug is shattered, I can breathe easy.

the friend who bought me the shattered mug befriended on Facebook, today of all days. I'll have to tell her about it and that, if nothing else, it made a beautiful photo.


Matthew said...

The life planned, and the life waiting, indeed.

I know my girls are still pretty little, but it's truer than you can imagine: they are only so small for so long. How is Bethany already 3? I doubt you will get around wishing you had skipped some things to spend the time with her, but I'm beginning to think part of the trick is making sure the times you wish you'd spent with your kids are greatly outnumbered by the times you actually did spend with them.

That's all I got this morning. Now it's off to spend time with some kids.

Sophia said...

It is a tough decision. Somehow in today's world a woman who stays home is looked at like she is 'taking the easy way out' or even lazy; which of course are both absurd ideas.

Working outside the home gives a woman a chance to have a bit of a sense of self, but staying home and being able to raise Lily everyday, you will see yourself- in her.
It is not an easy job, but it is a wonderful job. Even when they throw tantrums, or it seems like my boys are fighting over everything one particular day, watching them comfort eachother when they are sad, or give me a big hug or kiss and say "today was fun".....oh I just melt..... :)